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I never know what to write about. See Faith sit. See Faith write. See Faith have absolutely no idea what to write about, get frustrated and give up and watch TV instead. As pathetic as it sounds, this is usually how my writing sessions go. It’s my goal to do Camp NaNoWriMo in both June and August of this year, and not only start something but finish it. Unfortunately I’m afraid i’m going to get caught in those same behavior cycles. 


I have an idea that seems to sap all of my creative energy. I’ve been working on it for years, and it’s still less than half finished. This single idea haunts my creative side like a series of poltergeists trying to turn every creative moment into something about that idea. 


I’m determined that for the course of at least the first Camp NaNo this year that I am not going to incorporate ANY of the idea haunting my subconcious. Unfortunately because that idea is like a psychic vampire sucking all of my creativity into it, I’m having a very hard time coming up with something new to write about. 


I’m drawn to the idea of a modernization of a classic myth or fairy tale ala Once Upon a Time but I’m hesitant because I don’t want to just copy what they did. I’m afraid my fear of being too similar to what’s out there is going to cripple my ability to write anything at all. 


I guess most of what this is about is fear. I’m afraid to try something new. I’m afraid to write something that is too similar to something that is already out there. I’m afraid to make the time to do this. I’m afraid I’m going to end up neglecting things that I need to do because I’m trying to do something for me. It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m afraid to do it. 


I guess what it really comes down to is, I’m afraid to commit to an idea because then I’ll be committing to making time to write it, and I’m afraid to commit to that because I don’t want to let anyone down. Even though I’m letting myself down by not honestly trying to write and finish a story. /sigh 


I am a giant neurotic mess, and thus this blog post, which is only coming about because I’m sick and someone else is taking care of the baby and Dy is a very difficult person to take care of when he’s sick and since I’m also sick I decided not to bother. 


I feel like a crazy person. And not in the good way. :(